Well, this has been a heck of a month. Heck, it’s been a hell of a weekend. I feel like some things have really come together for us this month. I think we have confirmed and cemented our commitment to adopting and serving God in that way. I feel like we are focused and united in that commitment in a way we never have been before. It is amazing to me how different you are than when we first started talking again, when we got married, even a year year ago.
I love the direction we’re going. I love that every time I think I’ve thought of something crazy, you confirm that it is a crazy – crazy biblical! =) It’s amazing to me how you keep us grounded without squashing or discouraging me. And I love how, when given the chance, you have chosen love and sacrifice over comfort and security. Every time you don’t bat an eye when I make a substantial (for us), unplanned donation to someone you’ve never heard of. Every time you step out to help someone. Every time you support me when I’ve volunteered us for something without talking to you. Every time you take my most extreme, radical interpretation of what love or charity or giving mean and not only consider it, but, run with it.
All these things and more convince me that I was not mistaken when I thought I heard God saying you are the one. It was not wishful thinking that pushed me toward you, and down that aisle. I guess I’m just feeling really good about where we are. We are making improvements and taking the steps necessary to live the life we want and that I think God wants for us. Most importantly, we are not just talking about things, we are really doing things, and we are meeting challenges and reacting and responding in ways that are consistent with our faith and our calling.
I just get more hopeful and more excited to see what the future holds and where we go from here. I want to go on mission trips with you. I want to love Jesus by loving his people with you beside me. I want to fill this house with kids and raise them in faith with you. And I don’t want to retire or sit on a beach or take a vacation. The idea of doing God’s work – especially with you – is so awesome that I just want to keep doing whatever he has for us until we both fall down dead from exhaustion: “1, 2, 3…die.” =) Hmm. Maybe Paul said it better. Well, not maybe, I know he did:
But I don’t care what happens to me, as long as I finish the work that the Lord Jesus gave me to do. -Acts 20:24 (CEV)
You once said our emails were like collaborative journaling. I think that’s true and, in a similar way, some of our conversations are like collaborative praying. Sometimes I feel like I’m praying in my head and then bouncing the results of that of of you. Then I can take what you say and think/pray about it in my head. Then talk to you some more. I guess because I trust you so much, I can say anything. You don’t hinder my interaction with the Holy Spirit. On a good day, I think you help it. And, even when we stumble and disagree, I know you are sincerely pursuing truth and you are trying to move us towards God.
That is what reassures me every day that this is where I’m supposed to be. I know we will continue to walk toward Jesus and we will be together with him some day. I look forward to that and all the trials that come till then.
You are my heart and I love you more than ever.
Always, Olga Jean*