NaBloPoMo, Day 4 (Sort of)

Okay, it took 4 days. It took 4 days for me to completely forget to post. Well, I didn’t completely forget. I thought of it once, planned on doing it after I did this “one other thing” and then forgot about it completely. I’m not going to let this discourage me or use it as an excuse to just quit the rest of the month. I said that I was going to post once a day everyday in November. If I can’t do it literally, I can at least do it “on average.” So today will be a two-a-day, as my football playing brother used to say.

I had a doozy of a day yesterday. A doozy of a weekend, really. I know that all kids break their parents’ hearts. I know that just the fact that our kids have to leave and can’t stay babies is a little heartbreaking. I also know that even the best parents hurt their kids just as much as their kids hurt them. Sometimes more. It’s impossible to not hurt each other and parents have to make decisions that kids can’t possibly understand because of lack of maturity, wisdom, perspective, information. Whatever. Parenting has never been this hard. And step-parenting is a whole other thing, entirely. I will say, that, though I still feel like some things have been characterized unfairly, on both sides, this is a sobering reminder to me that we can only control what we do and how we act. And the wrong behavior of others does not excuse our own. Nor does it excuse bitterness or harsh words. James was right when he said:

Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. – James 3:5-6

I made a decision a long time ago that if I can’t think about what I’m saying and talk at the same time (which I can’t), I would rather be the chatty, witty, somewhat thoughtless girl, rather than the girl who spent less time talking and more time staring and stammering because she can’t put words together or just can’t talk at all because Brain and Mouth don’t play nicely. My children are helping me see that the more prudent choice might have been not talking at all. Luckily, God is a god of redemption and endless – not just second – chances. This is amazing grace.

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